Disconnected...

I feel better now. I feel much, much better since my last 'outpouring.' I feel as if ... a weight (small though it is) has temporarily been lifted from my shoulders, and I think it's time -- as a dear friend has suggested -- that I close one of the many books I've labored over and turn to face the next new section in life's library. Hopefully this endeavor will meet with success; I'm reserved, of course ... I don't know if I'm strong enough to actually make it over those mental, emotional hurdles I (and others) have constructed. I'm sure that sometime, someday those hurdles will be cleared -- and then I can call myself a tried and true track star. This time, though, I don't need to sweat or stress the ol' muscles for the title.

I've been thinking a lot about the status of my relationship with Josh lately. I've decided that I am utterly and completely in love with the boy; I've decided that with him, I've felt feelings that I've never, ever experienced with anyone else in my entire lifetime. I loathe the common 'gushy girl' attitude when it comes to talking about the L-word and adoration ... because, in all honesty, I doubted that aside from familial devotion, love was non-existent. However, an epiphany was unsurreptitiously tossed upon me when I got down to the nitty-gritty of of my and Josh's connection one night -- and the thinking hasn't stopped. It's gone full speed ahead, and shows no signs of stopping. The funny thing is, though I've noticed two boys this year whom I deem attractive and interesting, I simply can't see myself with anyone but dear Blaster Kitty. And the feelings still run strong after almost three years together. He does things that are annoying, yes, and he doesn't do some things that he should ... but no one's perfect, right? He's close enough to it for me.

Har har. The complete obsession with HIM (read: the hotness that is Ville Valo) still hasn't abated. I doubt it will for a long, long time. I just can't fathom how someone could be gifted with such an intriguing, multi-faceted, spine-shivering voice. The fact that he is sex made carnate is beside the matter. Mwuahaha. Brilliant green eyes, feline features, and a waifish body to die for ... nah ... these things've got noooothing to do with my obsession. Hehe. If you guys haven't checked this band out -- DO IT! Mmm ... HIM ... band of the gods.

I suppose I should close this entry out. I'm tired of thinking and tired of typing. I'm waiting for JJ so we can RP ... but it looks like he'll be a no-show again tonight. Damn him. I'm also beginning to suspect that I should hole away some money so I can go and visit Behbeh this summer (or possibly next month -- the whole 'play' thing has me interested). And by the way, Behbeh, I'm HOOKED on 'Law and Order' now. Lenny and Jack ... terrific combination. It made me put off homework for two hours nearly three times. Mwuahaha. Haha. Ha. Ah, yes. Bye-bye, children.