"In constant dying..."

I don't feel well again. I've been strangely fatigued these past two weeks; I sometimes get a fainting sensation before crawling into bed at night ... and no, I haven't been donating inordinate amounts of plasma. I do, however, seem to bleed miniscule amounts through the pores in my arms after being administered the regulatory saline treatments. It looks like a dozen or so tiny pins have pricked the tops of my forearms in the days that follow the once-weekly donation. Maybe I should stop ... ?

I'm getting slightly (okay ... incredibly) worried over some personal situations happening in life. I won't relate them all here because, well, I just don't bloody feel like it. Needless to say, Jessi is becoming a stressed out shell of her former self -- a fact that I don't appreciate, and a fact that I'm sure a lot of other people don't appreciate. Josh least of all. I hate being cruel to him when I'm in a bad mood, but at times I can't seem to help it. He doesn't deserve any of the things I said a few days ago ... his behavior didn't warrant my irritation -- but I was sarcastic and cold, and I actually called him looking for a fight. Some nights I'm just a pathetic she-devil hunting for the blood of innocents. Take that image and apply it to what you think you know about me, children.

I hate the cold weather. I hate it with a passion usually reserved for bad religious zealots and overly-prejudiced individuals. Screw walking around campus in 30 degree weather with your head bent against a knife-sharp wind! Give me 40's and 50's ... give me a spring climate ... give me a mother-effing heatwave. I don't care. Just take away this damnably cold, bitter weather. I already put my scarf and gloves away. So help me GOD, don' t make me take them out again!

I have more to impart, but I want to go back to my room and rot in front of the TV. *Sigh* Actually, I've got to work out and study for those two tests (remember?) scheduled on Friday. Woo-freaking-hoo. I thought I'd leave you with a song that describes (in the simplest way) my feelings lately; it's wonderfully descriptive, and I'm sure, dear readers, that you can relate ... at one time or another.

The Path

There is no turning back from this unending path of mine,
Serpent turning back, it stands before my eyes --
To hell and back it will lead me once more;
It's all I have as I stumble in and out of grace ...
I walk through the gardens of dying lights
And cross over rivers deep and dark as the night,
Searching for reasons why time passes by.
With every step I take, the less I know myself --
And every vow I break on my way towards your heart;
Countless times I've prayed for forgiveness,
But gods just laughed in my face ...
And this path remains leading me into solitude's arms;
I see through the darkness my way back home,
The journey seems endless but I'll carry on --
The shadows will rise and they will fall ...
And our night drowns in dawn
Amidst all tears there's a smile all angels greet with an envious song,
One look into strangers eyes and I know where I belong --
And the path goes on ...