[Witty title]

What to do?

This summer is shaping up to be one of those extended moments that will forever hang in mind's eye like a pretty piece of colored glass. I'm confused, breathless, giddy, composed, cool, excited, wanting to run through a hall of ice holding fifteen sparklers and a piece of my mind.

Please have mercy. I can't take it anymore.

[At this point, the author feels remorse for whatever's causing the rotten-flesh smell in her room.]

I'm too lusty for my own good. Is that possible? Orgasms are nature's gift to those who toil and sweat -- to those that need a physical release when all else has failed. [I'm so silly.] If I could have a mind-orgasm...a word-language-poetry-induced orgasm...god. God, god, god. Oh. Blushing yet? I'm getting a little hot. There's something in the walls...it's creeping beneath this chair and slithering up my backbone. [So silly, this little girl.] I'm too lusty for my own good. I'll go to Hell for that sin (and ask politely if the Devil won't procure for me a lover). Intrusion. Deception. This song is worming it's way into what-I-want-to-say. I'm sorry. I know with this post and the last I'm attempting to write normally. But just for a little while, I promise. The wild thought-things will come when next I feel strongly some emotion or idea.

Oh. I need to make some more green tea. And dream extraordinary things. "Walked away, heard them say: poison hearts will never change..." What to listen to now?

[At this point the author decides to dream extraordinary things. ]

I wish my courage wasn't so dormant. I have a thousand things I want.need.wish to say to so many people. A few, in particular, are so very worthy of those words...but I haven't the solvent needed to unstick my tongue. I can talk big, walk big, look collected (am I beautiful? Think too much to be pretty, I thinkthinkthink), push people's buttons (gilt or plastic), shout with the rest of them. Hmm. This isn't turning out to be so extraordinary. "She's a cold porno dream in a mainstream romance..."

"Nothing even matters.
Nothing even matters.
Nothing even matters.
Nothing even matters.
Nothing even matters."