"If I were..."

If I were a month I would be: July. Sultry, velvet nights worth traipsing through...
If I were a day of the week I would be: Sunday. To work on this day is a 'sin,' and I do love to add my silk to the web of evil.
If I were a time of day I would be: Nine o'clock at night -- time for twilight, smears of red and orange on the horizon, and smoky silhouettes.
If I were a planet I would be: An extrasolar body radiant with undiscovered heat.
If I were a sea animal I would be: Something epipelagic. A porpoise, maybe.
If I were a direction I would be: Left.
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A red silk chaise lounge.
If I were a sin I would be: Lust.
If I were a historical figure I would be: Eleanora di Toledo
If I were a liquid I would be: Laudanum.
If I were a tree I would be: A cypress tree hung with Spanish moss.
If I were a flower/plant I would be: A bleeding heart.
If I were a kind of weather I would be: Rain. Of any sort.
If I were an instrument I would be: A fleshpot.
If I were an animal I would be: A cat. A sphynx.
If I were a color I would be: Grey. So many things that I love are grey...
If I were a vegetable I would be: A radish.
If I were a sound I would be: The notes from Beethoven's Fifth Symphony seamlessly meshed into a single sound.
If I were an element I would be: The element of surprise.
If I were a car I would be: I hate rumbling machinery.
If I were a movie I would be directed by: Tim Burton.
If I were a book I would be written by: Anne Rice.
If I were a food I would be: Whatever sates the wicked.
If I were a place I would be: A Gallic forest.
If I were a material I would be: Linen.
If I were a taste I would be: The bitterness of defeat.
If I were a scent I would be: Rain-soaked pavement.
If I were a word I would be: Incomplete.
If I were an object I would be: Rather vague, hmm?
If I were a body part I would be: An eye...window to the soul, you know.