Njosnavelin
Why wasn't I enough?
Why wasn't my love and my support enough to keep you from hurting yourself?
I didn't want to call 911. I didn't want to call emergency services. But you were hurting yourself, and that was hurting me...and I had to. I love you, Meaniepants. I love you so much. You're my best friend. You've been my rock for ten years. You and I -- we were the world. From Mr. Caldwell's class to Moore's yearbook room, you and I were together. It didn't mean the end of anything when you left Platteville. I was angry for a while, but only because I missed you so much. I was never very vocal about it, I think...and I'm so sorry for that. Maybe if I had been, you would have known how much I needed you. How much I needed my Grand Duke General.
And I do need you.
But why wasn't I enough?
Why was I 'too little, too late'?
I didn't want to get you into trouble. I didn't want to make you angry, to upset you, to make you hate me. But I had to call 911. I didn't want to go to the funeral of the only person on Earth who loved me unconditionally. I would never have forgiven myself if I'd have sat here, doing nothing to help. Don't be angry at the policeman who found you. He's an angel. He looked for you for almost three hours, and he called me three times so that I knew what was going on. He's an angel. A wonderful human being, an incredible policeman. Don't be angry at him. If you must be angry at someone...be angry at me.
But only because I love you too much to let you go. To let you hurt yourself.
I don't know what's going to happen now, but I ask for your forgiveness. I ask that you forgive me for interfering, for doing the only thing I could think of. I was hysterical, you know. I was crying, pacing, asking a God who doesn't exist for guidance. Asking something or someone to protect you. To protect you from yourself.
"Desperately I try to fight this overwhelming sense that I may never find the strength to change how hopeless we've become."
Forgive me. Remember that I'm your Spunky, and that I need you. That I love you like no one else.
Why wasn't my love and my support enough to keep you from hurting yourself?
I didn't want to call 911. I didn't want to call emergency services. But you were hurting yourself, and that was hurting me...and I had to. I love you, Meaniepants. I love you so much. You're my best friend. You've been my rock for ten years. You and I -- we were the world. From Mr. Caldwell's class to Moore's yearbook room, you and I were together. It didn't mean the end of anything when you left Platteville. I was angry for a while, but only because I missed you so much. I was never very vocal about it, I think...and I'm so sorry for that. Maybe if I had been, you would have known how much I needed you. How much I needed my Grand Duke General.
And I do need you.
But why wasn't I enough?
Why was I 'too little, too late'?
I didn't want to get you into trouble. I didn't want to make you angry, to upset you, to make you hate me. But I had to call 911. I didn't want to go to the funeral of the only person on Earth who loved me unconditionally. I would never have forgiven myself if I'd have sat here, doing nothing to help. Don't be angry at the policeman who found you. He's an angel. He looked for you for almost three hours, and he called me three times so that I knew what was going on. He's an angel. A wonderful human being, an incredible policeman. Don't be angry at him. If you must be angry at someone...be angry at me.
But only because I love you too much to let you go. To let you hurt yourself.
I don't know what's going to happen now, but I ask for your forgiveness. I ask that you forgive me for interfering, for doing the only thing I could think of. I was hysterical, you know. I was crying, pacing, asking a God who doesn't exist for guidance. Asking something or someone to protect you. To protect you from yourself.
"Desperately I try to fight this overwhelming sense that I may never find the strength to change how hopeless we've become."
Forgive me. Remember that I'm your Spunky, and that I need you. That I love you like no one else.
posted by Ophelia at 11:53 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home