Sealed(up)tight

[I took that picture. Eighteenth-century Franciscan mission. I feel like that sometimes.]

"Do you realize we're floating in space?"

Cautious of experiences I've never known (toes in the water). Cautious of feeling things I've never felt. Too cautious for any good reason. Despair and I had it out; hair was wet with blood and knees were bruised from thought-wallopings. My god, this heart! My god, these eyes! My god, full of spidery-vine-feelings that won't be killed by a great cutting-out nor a colossal poison-storm.

"I hear voices in tin lunchboxes and snap at
Forget-me-nots as they trip (whirly-eyed)
Through teeth like spun glass. Vicious velvet
Streaks (but too lovely your tongue) reel me
In -- stars of a shared sky prick imagined eyes
And shatter swiftly like millpond water once
Electronically-conduit fingers cease their
Deceptively-sweet snaking.

Still paper tears corrode the film.

How much (per pound) does redemption cost?
A darling devil decreed "just a heart a gram,"
Though his forked speech was enough to buy me.
Buy me -- by me, through me, in me do supposed
Sins [monocles and tophats] swim like little
Soaked sponges ablaze with curiosity and the pain
Painted with brushes made of my flayed flesh.

Glass apples and genuine kisses for you..."

Why is it that words (never failed me before) so suddenly seem trite? Why is it that I've resigned myself to speechlessness when it comes to conversations with black-bearded mystery? "Now we're guilt-stricken...sobbing...with our heads on the floor. We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip." I won't be held responsible. She fell in love in the first place. Deadly-word, there it is. In all its sometimes-terrifying glory. I'm not afraid anymore. "Fear is the little death." Remember? Live life as you see fit, love who you want to love, do what you want to do...never hesitate when it comes to making yourself happy. All the make-believe mantras were right; I am a labryrinthine, complicated, complex, full-of-words-and-thoughts thing too witty and sarcastic and brilliant for a sky devoid of light. Like it is here. We're the same kind of beast, and I adore you. I'm not going anywhere -- I'll stay in the sky devoid of light.

"In the blink of an eye, there was no one attending; it doesn't really matter where it all began -- all I know...I got covered in darkness. Covered in darkness."

Quit being so afraid of life and the things it gifts you with. "Better to hold on to love..."