Non sequitur

"I see the seasons changing,
And in the heart of this autumn I fall...
With the leaves from the trees.

I see the reasons changing,
And in the warmth of the past I crawl --
Scorched by the shame...

I play dead to hide my heart
Until the world (gone dark) fades away..."

I was exceedingly impressed with the new HIM album. It was everything I'd hoped for, actually -- cryptic, emotional, and written from that certain vantage point that I've come to love Ville for. Especially poignant was "In the Nightside of Eden;" I've not heard a song like that from this gorgeous Finnish band before...and I've not heard those certain notes that Ville hits on any other song. Yes, it's on constant loop in my computer -- and yes, it will probably stay that way for months. I love to pore over lyrics, dissect meanings, and ultimately drown myself in the whole album. "Dark Light" is perfect for that...

It's unseasonably hot here. It was 87 degrees yesterday, I believe -- and for this reason and more, Amy and I have locked ourselves in our room. No cemetary treks, no wood walks, no socializing outside the confines of this two-fan-cooled cement cubicle. Instead, I happily subscribe to nights spent studying, playing "Donkey Kong 2," and reading an anthology of short stories that Amy gave me. The book really is wonderful, and I so kick as at Donkey Kong -- except for the bee boss...but Amy took care of that for me. Ph33r mY madd skilzz.

I've stopped punishing myself for becoming a detestable human being in these last few weeks. I've stopped whispering aloud the details of my transgressions, stopped mourning the loss of a beloved boy (though I'll always, always miss him), and I've stopped worrying about making up for lost time in other areas of my life. I'm surrounded by kind and caring people, by a loving and always-loyal family, and now by the only person in the entire world I've entrusted my whole heart to. Life is too full of beautiful opportunities...too full of great and pleasurable things...too full of blissful moments for me to linger in a place full of hurt and anger.

It's a present-tense thing, DF. Get over it -- I'll always adore you. Always love you. No amount of sarcastic, acidic speech will change that. Nyah-nyah, darling.

It's an awe-inspiring thing, Meanie-pants. The depth of forgiveness and the depth of love you've shown can never, ever be forgotten. We're going to be those half-delusional eighth graders for the rest of our lives, you know -- we're going to giggle over Cheese Whiz and old notebooks even when we're wheeling each other down the cavernous, white-tiled hall of some old folks' home.

It's a whole-soul thing, Alandor. You and I have philosophy, pink triangles, six years in obscurity, and that lightning storm in a cemetary. Oh, and that four-letter monstrosity you're still terrified of. I'm listening to 90s songs again and dancing with Amy; remember the Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You?"

Today is beautiful. I bought a giant jade tree and a spiky, darling little plant with white rings around its blades at the campus Plant Sale this afternoon. I've already got a jade tree -- his name's Merton and he's about five inches tall (above the soil); my newest addition, whom I've decided to name Methuselah (har har) is a foot and a half tall. The little spiky darling (who has no legible label) is Nicodemus; Amy bought one, too -- we named it Naga the White. Amy also bought a dracaena plant...who's name is now Malysstrix the Red. YES, we name our plants. YES, we're massive geeks. You adore us for it...admit it. Naga, Nicodemus, Malysstrix, Merton, and Methuselah will one day rule this human world...

Lord, I love life...