"Call it aftermath, she's turning blue..."

These last few days have been trying, to say the very least. Want a summary of the intertwined perceptions I've been wrestling with? I've been listening to a lot of APC's "Thirteenth Step," and a lot of Ours' "Distorted Lullabies," for starters. Isn't it funny how music can both soothe and bring to the top the feelings that have been gnawing on one's insides for what seems like an eternity? In particular, Maynard has that certain knack for turning sentiments inside-out in order to display the very raw, very primal roots that anchor such feelings to both mind and body. I doubt the words exist that could paint accurately an image of the intensity and the genius behind his lyrics; I highly doubt there are any adjectives one could connect with the shivering beauty of his voice. Of course, Jimmy Gnecco (of Ours) has an incredible voice as well...it's haunting, the way he slides up and down in his rich tenor range (and his falsetto sound is chilling). Both men are more than deserving of any praise tossed their way -- they are the chorus of my shock, my turmoil, and my confusion.

As I sit here, I wonder what I'm really attempting to say with all this. I am now struggling through the aftermath of a terribly peculiar night, I'm afraid I may have drowned the seed of a promising friendship, and I still don't know how to go about making it right. It's cruel that human beings should be so given to sensitivity and hurt. It's cruel that I should have to sit here and wonder about a great many things that I simply can't fix. It's all cruel, the world and her greedy, bickering, bastardized children.

"Tilling my own grave to keep me level,
Jam another dragon down the hole;
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren,
One that pushes me along, and leaves me so
Desperate and ravenous...
I'm so weak and powerless over you.

. . .

Little angel, go away,
Come again some other day,
Devil has my ear today,
I'll never hear a word you say,
He promised I would find a little solace and some peace of mind...
Whatever. Just as long as I don't feel so desperate and ravenous.
I'm so weak and powerless over you..."